{ may 15th }
this morning i made the second copy of my first spider zine. it's a eulogy written to the first spider that i learned to love, and is made out of scraps from a black paper bag, white thread, and black sashiko thread.
i've been leaning into imperfection with this project and drawing inspiration from the spiders who i've known. webs can be messy and are always imperfect, but good enough to get the job done.
my sewing/crafting skills are extremely crude, but that emphasizes the handmade nature of this kind of project. this year, i want to continue to accept and savour that crudeness, and share the results with minimal shame.
i'm planning to make eight of this zine, and then i'll work on the next one that i sketched out last year.
--✴︎--
{ may 7th }
the orb weaver on my tire continues to hang on. it's amazing to see how strong her hold can be, even without the full web.
i often worry when i've been driving on the highway, but she's kept secure by the structure & placement of the tire.
in other news, a medium sized spider has taken up residence in our washroom and either eaten or frightened away the 'window widows'.
i miss them, but don't hold it against this new housemate. she seems to live somewhere secretive, and i've been offering water when she makes an appearance.
--✴︎--
{ april 22nd }
the little orb weaver who was living on my tire survived! she now has a beautiful new web in the middle of the spare tire.
such a sweet spot hehe
my previous theory that she'd been eaten by a bird was wrong, but now i suspect that someone was gathering nesting material &/or bugs (hummers, i'm looking at *you* hehe).
--✴︎--
{ april 10th }
after the orb weaver who lived in my car departed, i discovered that the other weaver who was living in the spare tire on the back of the car had also emerged for the spring. she created a beautiful web across from the tire to a corner of the back window.
she had a really beautiful pattern on her body, and would sit patiently either in her web or on the tire with one leg touching a strand, waiting for her next meal.
for several days, i visited her back there. but the day came that she most likely got eaten by a bird. you can tell a lot by looking at the damage done to a web, and we have lots of birds out searching for food for themselves and their young.
so it goes, but i mourn my friends even so.
similarly, one of our little housemates recently got eaten by her own species, and i saw the sequence play out.
she was in her usual spot, hanging upside down above a cabinet, but then started to move down to the surface. in the past, i'd given her spritzes of water from time to time, and thought she might be thirsty. so i did so again.
but she retreated a bit, and later, Kate noticed another larger, darker cousin appear near her. i now suspect that she'd felt the intruder approaching, and carry some guilt that i might've startled her into retreating from potential escape.
you never really know how this sort of thing will play out. lots of spider species eat each other, but some seem to really just co-exist. in this case, there was a tense standoff, and the larger spider prevailed.
i try not to have hard feelings, but i miss our old housemate. she always seemed gentle in a very particular way - but that might also be why she was overtaken.
--✴︎--
{ march 30th }
a couple of days ago, the orb weaver in my car asked to leave (through body language), so i carried her out gently on a plant passenger and wished her well on her journey into the world beyond. grief and gratitude for our time together.
grief and gratitude as well toward my dear housemate, a tiny spider who i adopted from sx̣ʷət̕č̕əlíéw̕txʷ before moving, two years ago. she has now passed on, after retreating to a secret place. i miss her dearly, but carry her tiny spirit in my heart.
--✴︎--
{ march 25th }
the orb weaver who has taken up residence in my car continues to build, dismantle, digest, and rebuild her web in front of my face every day. i feel so fortunate to be able to watch her at work so intimately, and now truly feel as though she's just part of the car's internal seasonality.
while i'm driving, she's become more or less indistinguishable from the hanging charms on the rearview mirror (where my grandma's spider pin used to hang actually), or like a chip in the windshield. and if anything, i drive more carefully with her onboard, or just don't drive to leave her in peace. she also gives me an opportunity to pause & check-in before and after i do drive anywhere.
she was possibly born behind one of my car's side mirrors, and took up residence inside in the autumn. over winter, she huddled inside of a little hole where the front window meets the headliner. now that it's spring, she's out in full web, and i always look forward to visiting.
oh, i also have a little water spritzing bottle to keep her from getting thirsty. it was amazing to watch how excitedly she grabbed at the mist, collecting it along her legs to both bathe and drink. i also made a little drinking pool the other day, when she was clearly looking for 'rainwater', and she drank thirstily.
meanwhile, outside of one of the passenger doors, the ferns & moss who hitched a ride from sx̣ʷət̕č̕əlíéw̕txʷ continue to grow in a little clump.
someday, i will need to transplant them, but for now, they're lovely company 🌿
--✴︎--
{ march 16th }
received a text from a friend last night about how he spared a spider's life after hearing my talk, even though he has intense arachnophobia. so touching to hear! 🕷️♡
also, the little orb weaver that lives in my car has rebuilt a beautiful web over the dashboard. so sweet 🕸️
--✴︎--
{ march 12th }
remembered, after accidentally deleting
last night, i had an opportunity to share a stage with six other storytellers (and an emcee sharing haikus between each) in the Royal BC Museum's "Wildlife Photographer of the Year" exhibit. we were asked to bring a story that responded to the prompt: "what the wild taught me"
i shared the story of how i went from fearing spiders to loving them - and my partner Kate told a story about the hummingbirds that we loved and grieved during our time living at sx̣ʷət̕č̕əlíéw̕txʷ. she also performed her ballad about that life.
several people came up to Kate and i afterward, teary-eyed and expressed their gratitude for our sharings that really touched them.
it was a really powerful night, and i felt so honoured to be in the space alongside the beautiful photos and a wonderful community of people, familiar and unfamiliar.
and also just to be able to honour and raise awareness about the spiders that i've come to love.
leading up to the event, i wrote a memorial letter to the first spider that i learned to love. i've been planning to make a spider zine, and am getting very close to finally making it happen.
--✴︎--
{ march 7th }
ballooned across the special.fish sea
let it be known that yesterday, the orb weaver that lives in my car, made a web on my steering wheel - which i gently modified, so that i could still drive - has now created another beautiful web right in front of my face, above the wheel.
honestly, it's just so sweet, and not actually distracting enough to be dangerous, to have a little passenger spider in your field of view.
not to mention, i'm set to share a story about spiders this upcoming week, and hopefully also make a little zine that wants to exist.
i miraculously also didn't get a parking ticket, even though my time was uh, *very* expired. probably because of my lucky car spider!
